having my cake

and enjoying it.

I swear, they are on opposite schedules. One is out of town, the other is here. One is perfect, the other one...I can pick out flaws like strawberries. But for some sick reason it is still fun to somehow tease myself with the past...even the future.

I guess this is all part of falling in love...it is truly amazing how the past and its accompanying baggage has just faded into this wierd haze of fun memories, tinted with rose and all. At the same time, the past is defining, and strong and even beyond that I feel like I almost owe it to my old self and my new self to settle the score in some things. And I don't even mean settle forever, just settle in my heart so I can get through the day accepting that this is me now and it is wonderful. and all the changes that encompasses. changes that are hard for me, but welcome...i've always liked a challenge

in other news, I told my mother today that I wanted to bring him home for thanksgiving. there was a long silence followed by "Well, you know we only have the one bed now..."....yes mom...He can sleep on the couch. Seriously? But then she was excited. So now I think she knows this is something "real" .... at least moreso than in the past for me. I mean, i have NEVER brought a guy home...i'm sure this is rocking the K household tonight, I don't really feel like dealing with it in terms of returning her phonecall.

I was just telling Rebs how I feel like working is really good for me in terms of not stressing about the future... like right now I am just looking to get to the weekend, enjoy that, and face Monday. Before it was like, ok what is happening in thre months, waht's my next trip, when am I getting this place, etc....now I just have to go with it.