reality awaits

took the bar...what a terrible experience. I don't even know how to feel about it, but fortunately was so mentally exhausted afterward that I have not spent a lot of time stressint out, at least not compared to how much i spent before I took it.

Went to Thailand for 3.5 weeks with my mom -- completely the trip of a lifetime....we went to Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Chiang Dao, Krabi beach, Koh Tao, and Koh Samui...so many great memories...I kept a diary on it.
Asia truly felt like being in another world...it continually amazes me how other cultures are so much the same yet so different. It is hard to chose a favorite place or activity or memory, but suffice it to say I did my best to enjoy every single minute of not having any concerns.

I start my job a week from now...I am looking forward with anticipation, a little nervous, excited, happy...I basically have my dream job and am exactly where I want to be, or at least I have that in my head...so it will be interesting to see how reality measures up. Obviously 9-5 (or 8) sucks and is a total life change, but one I feel I am ready for...could not handle any more school and honestly am a little bored and need somewhere to put my energies. And also keep telling myself that if it is absolutely terrible, I have other options.

I've met a truly sweet guy. Of course I have my committment issues and what not, but he is incredible and every day amazes me with reminders of how I should be treated. It is becoming strikingly clear how a relationship should work and can work when it is right, as compared to my strings of meaningless dating in the past. I shouldn't say meaningless, I just mean everything with he and I seems to fit really well. Like, we have the same group of friends so there is no awkwardness of wondering whether he will "fit in" with them...he has a good family...we like the same things....he likes to have adventures...he's tall...blue eyes...well-educated and smart...makes me laugh and smile....the opposite of flaky...

during the Bar he brought me a beautiful sunflower to the dreary library, made me dinner and brought it to me to eat late at night, always reminds me that he is thinking about me. He was so supportive during the bar, and I most certainly was not a pleasant person so that really impressed me. He's just as great as can be and I honestly believe that he came to me at just the right time. he was exactly what I needed then and there and everything has been good.

I was feeling a tad overwhelmed with it right after the Bar because it was like omg I have my life back, now what? But at the same time I wanted to spend every second I could with him before I left for Thailand. And then I got back last week and we have spent a ton of time together and its awesome. Although I do feel like life is coming at me fast right now, its like I trust him enough and he is realiable enough to be there with me through it. He's a strong guy, he remembers the randomest details so i know he actually listens (most of the time...after all he is still a man...)...

anyway, I'm gushing, but he's refreshing and I am thrilled. He's so good to me that it makes me just want to be like that with him....I've always felt like I wanted a person to just shower with affection and care and all that but no one ever seemed right to reciprocate it...he does and I have had so much fun showing him how I feel....although I'm not sure what it is yet, I know it is something special and different.

He left for a week for work and to go home for a wedding, and I am dreading the boredom without him around, but I also think the space is good, especially since I am starting work I need to just get my head together and do all MY stuff that needs to be straight.

Anyway, maybe in my new life I will actually get around to blogging more. I miss it.