Thanksgiving

There are so many things...where can I start?

My mom is with us here in Chicago... dad refused to come for some unknown reason other than a) hating holiday travel b) not wanting to deal with the cold and c) i suspect wanting to avoid having my mom run him around for a week.

Having my mother around puts some things in life in a very interesting focus.  I am having trouble articulating how, but maybe its that she's so good it makes me want to be better and makes me see a lot of the gross-ness in my own life.  but it also makes me realize many things about me that are wholly me and the result of me being some sort of whack blend between her and my father.

Other thoughts:
Things that are new to me in Chicago:
wiping boots/shoes before walking inside
coat racks
coat checks
needing to add an extra three minutes to my getting ready time just to bundle up
trying to find out where to buy firewood
knowing what kind of wood is good firewood
where to hire a maid.  spanish speaking or polish?
Anyway, things that occur to you at random times.

So, I'm going back to "work."  It charms me how people (and even myself) somehow think I haven't "worked" for the last year when in fact I have probably worked more -- hour wise -- than I ever worked at my old firm.  Weekends, nights. But I have had my freedom to do that and if I want to spend two hours working out and then making lunch and grocery shopping from 10-12 I can do it.  So I'm not complaining. But it's not like I have tons of "free time."  There are so many things on my list, i.e. wedding album, Deidre album, and now Europe album, home decorating, etc. that I have not gotten to from a sheer need to cover expenses and save up for our huge and amazing and budget-blowing Europe trip.  Seriously.  Working by the hour has its plusses and its major downfalls, like even now on Thanksgiving I'm almost tempted to pull out the laptop and bill a few hours.

Anyway, we have completed thanksgiving dinner, it was delicious and rich and all it was supposed to be.  now relaxing by the fire and watching football and tv, wonderful.  Funny now all the holiday sales start tonight -- has always been early Friday morning. Whether they are trying to prevent the early morning mobs or smply capitalizing on consumerism, I am happily planted on the couch where I will remain.

....and now I cry

I just found this old post from right after I met my now-hubby. Brought me the tears I have needed for awhile.

I've met a truly sweet guy. Of course I have my committment issues and what not, but he is incredible and every day amazes me with reminders of how I should be treated. It is becoming strikingly clear how a relationship should work and can work when it is right, as compared to my strings of meaningless dating in the past. I shouldn't say meaningless, I just mean everything with he and I seems to fit really well. Like, we have the same group of friends so there is no awkwardness of wondering whether he will "fit in" with them...he has a good family...we like the same things....he likes to have adventures...he's tall...blue eyes...well-educated and smart...makes me laugh and smile....the opposite of flaky... during the Bar he brought me a beautiful sunflower to the dreary library, made me dinner and brought it to me to eat late at night, always reminds me that he is thinking about me. He was so supportive during the bar, and I most certainly was not a pleasant person so that really impressed me. He's just as great as can be and I honestly believe that he came to me at just the right time. he was exactly what I needed then and there and everything has been good. I was feeling a tad overwhelmed with it right after the Bar because it was like omg I have my life back, now what? But at the same time I wanted to spend every second I could with him before I left for Thailand. And then I got back last week and we have spent a ton of time together and its awesome. Although I do feel like life is coming at me fast right now, its like I trust him enough and he is realiable enough to be there with me through it. He's a strong guy, he remembers the randomest details so i know he actually listens (most of the time...after all he is still a man...)... anyway, I'm gushing, but he's refreshing and I am thrilled. He's so good to me that it makes me just want to be like that with him....I've always felt like I wanted a person to just shower with affection and care and all that but no one ever seemed right to reciprocate it...he does and I have had so much fun showing him how I feel....although I'm not sure what it is yet, I know it is something special and different.

Shocked and saddened

That I have neglected this blog for almost two incredible years. In those two years I have gotten married, been to Thailand, changed jobs, gotten laid off, started my own business, moved to Chicago, went to Europe, turned THIRTY and am anticipating accepting a new job in the next few days. And many other daily amazements that I hope do not go unremembered. Why is it critical life events that make me want to write and/or realize how lacking I have been? I have kept journals of some of my travels and a "daily" diary of a few lines (but even that has suffered in the last months). For goodness sakes my first year of marriage and a move across country? I couldn't write or record my thoughts on that? I guess I have just been so "busy" -- not an excuse. I wish I had even a line or two a day from those moments. Anyway, I do this all the time and feel bad about it but don't ever change. Maybe now. I am famous for starting and not completing projects, blogging is no different. In any case, my future self is "lucky" now because I am majorly jet-lagged from our epic 2013/30th birthday trip to Europe. It is just past 6 a.m. and I went to bed with a sense of peace about my career for the first time in a long time, but woke up shortly past 4 thinking about it. Not so much in a negative way, but definitely with some fear and anticipation. After what happened after my new "big opportunity" last year (got-laid off six weeks after starting what I thought was a "dream job" but actually was a step away from Hades in a few short weeks), I am jaded and afraid. I know that I need to work hard and will probably be freaking out the first few months, but it sickens me that I have to be almost desperate in that sense. Isn't my "normal" level of work adequate? Anyway, I swore I would never work for a woman again, and here we are. She seems cool, H (old boss) like. I can't say anything bad about H, I really can't. She was moody and a bit psychotic, but a good boss. Those long inquisitive stares she would give me and forcing me to sit in front of her while she talked on phone or ate lunch. She could be harsh, but in the end, she was "cool." I could drink with her. We could talk about men. My mistake was letting the secretary get between us. Moving on. So now there is a new one. I hope I like her. I hope I love her. I am trying my darndest to look at her as a brand new person with none of my past judgments. I.e. the nice, sweet, mommy (C) who I thought was going to be the best boss ever but turned into a serpent within days and made H look like a walk in the park. I am cautiously (very) optimistic. I am going to keep my side work as long as I can until I am sure this is going to be a good fit. Oh yeah, and I have to take the bar in February. yay!