home for the holidays!

something is so exciting about doing nothing...and by nothing i mean wrapping presents, sitting my the fire, watching tv, reading non-law books, eating goodies, and being with my familia. the holidays are the best. i keep thinking this will be my last chance to spend an extended amount of time at home...as a student anyway. Exams went ok...it is always such a black hole for that week or two... but I really have no one to blame but myself for having to cram 12 hour study sessions for 10 days. Two of my classes were pass/fail, but there is such a fear that you actually will fail that it is necessary to study as just as hard as otherwise.

After exams I was feeling crazy and couped up...went golfing with Chocs and pool day drinking with W at the Floridian and then hit up Blue Martini with law school friends. Spent Wednesday driving to Ikea only to discover I had left my wallet at home...traced back, went to Aventura mall for retail therapy... then met De and we tried an awesome new wine bar, Eno, on Lincoln Road then had dinner (Foie gras stuffed filet mignon and skewers and wine_ at a cool place with a cute Russian waiter. Then I went to check out Feldy's new place (awesome...rooftop terrace!)...went home, packed (i.e. threw things into suitcase in random order), hopped over to Eye's, hung out with him and another friend from study abroad. Reminisced about our summer abroad, played guitar hero, bowling, and golf...tried to feel out if I wanted to stay the night and potentially hook up. Finally around 5 30 a.m. decided against it and realized my 8 am pick up for my flight was going to be brutal. went home, slept for two hours, got on a plane and now i'm here. wish I would have had a few extra days in MIA before coming here but it's all good.

it was fun to see Eyes...not going to lie, I had guilty and selfish motives...the good kind though. I'm on the prowl... I wanted to make out and was hoping it would happen. maybe it was me or him or the Joe or the lateness or just the fact that we haven't seen eachother since like Sepetember but whatever. He's a sweetie. Besides, I want to focus my attention on Chocs. oh MAN, i'm a mess.

I really hope I didn't mess that up in the past by like pushing him off because i wasn't feeling it. of course now i realize the error of my ways...i am tempted to think that i am drawn back to him from being lonely and lack of any other distraction. although i am pretty sure he can see right through me at this point. he's always there when i need him, always secure, always safe, always sweet. i don't know if it is anything, but it is nice and comforting. i'm just scared i've spent too much time pushing him away, and i don't know what to do about it now.