what is it about testing that makes you crazy?

I can't explain it...but since the Bar came into focus I feel "it" slowly slipping away...and by "it" I mean my sanity.

The dumbest little things are bothering me, like the fact that my roommate ate the rest of the pizza and hasn't offered to drive. The fact that Country told my other friend that i have a boyfriend...what is motive behind this is remains to be seen...when I asked him about it he came at me like a big shot lawyer, and i was just like DUDE shut up, I am human...talk to me like a friend, not a lawyer. the fact that I want to be nothing but alone, yet am consumed by loneliness at the same time. the fact that i am being uuuubbbbber dramatic about everything, psycho about my workouts and meals and planning accordingly...the complete mood swings from bitch to Miss Sunshine.

wow. it felt good to get that down. then again, perhaps one happy side effect of the Bar is the excuse to be a little bit nutty...and it sort of defines the whole transition from "studenthood" to "adulthood"....and wow what a fun time THAT is. *enter serious sarcasm*....

i just feel and know that i need something bigger than me to get me through this time right now...and I like the good excuse not to go out every night and not feel bad or awkward about it. contrast that with feelings of being completely anti-social one minute and restless as all heck the next. yuck.

on a happier note, am still on contact with DJ. he's so cute. He's like "why are you studying so much"....which presses me on towards thinking seriously about the benefits of dating non-lawyers.


...again ...the bar...

A lot of it seems to be getting a schedule study down, which I am trying to do. it is getting easier day by day. i defintely need the structure to make myself do work. but i also need my space which freaks me out because i dn't want to spend the summer completely alone and blocking everyone out. when i do get around others it is so unusual that i feel a little nutty. what the HECK is going on!?!? I need this little adjustment phase to pass...