i knew he had been on my mind for a reason

just found out brad is engaged. damn fucking facebook i knew i never went on there for good reason. he's been on my mind a lot lately and i had a dream about him last night. i guess some small vain hope in me thought i would get him again.

i feel so lonely and i went through this whole day of really regretting the way that i handled our relationship last week. i mean i know that ultimately i made the right decision, but it is just really hard to see that happening for him and not me. i am of course happy that he found someone that makes him happy but it breaks my heart to know the ring he gave me still sits in my jewelry box AND that the decision had ultimately rested with me. beating myself up over my selfishness that resulted in the destruction of that relationship. i hate this feeling.

oh, and the irony that summer 2009 was when we were going to get married. he got engaged instead. he asked me and i wouldn't have him.