That week between Christmas and New Years

is so glorious.  Work slows to a halt, and once you get over that somewhat shocking and unnerving feeling, being able to curl up with a book absolutely all day long is so wonderful. 

This was my first Christmas ever away from my parents.  It flew by sort of easier than I expected but afterword and still a bit I discovered myself in a funk.  The typical "I am a bad person/daughter/wife/friend/lawyer" etc. thoughts are crowding in but also something more weird and dark.  Might be from my MIL proudly proclaiming her atheism at Christmas Eve dinner or even worse the two kiddos aligning with her.  Not that I have anything in particular against atheism and no judgment, but come on it is Christmas Eve -- is this really all just about presents and Santa to you?  As non-religious and whatever-I-am-still-coming-to-grips-with that I am, we always always always read "the real" Christmas story on Christmas Eve (and other secular and non-secular activities).  She just has an opinion about everything, and given that I don't, it becomes somewhat exhausting.

In other news, it was admittedly quite fun and refreshing to watch kids get SO excited about Santa and Christmas.  Hilarious actually.  Loud.  Crazy.  Total Chaos.  Everyone opening presents at once.  Lots of booziness.  Quite different from my typical quiet Christmas Eve, getting up excited in the morning and having sweet rolls by the fire with hot chocolate and biscotti and opening gifts one at a time with Christmas carols in the background.  And that "santa clause style" excitement wanes over the years but it almost seems more special in the peace and quiet.  Setting aside our easy-to-make criticisms of hubby's sister's parenting skills.... no real thank yous or appreciations from the kiddos, and shocked to see hubby's sister and her hubby did not even appear to exchange gifts.  not that it matters, but, maybe it does? 

I've gone for a few great long runs around the neighborhood -- hills are a change -- and today, down to the beach.  It is refreshing and cleansing and key.  Eating everything in sight.  As always, somewhat anxious to get back into a normal routine, but this time it means a REALLY normal routine -- back to the 9-6 lifestyle, starting at 5:45 a.m. to squeeze in the gym.  Sigh.  Such is life.  Trying not to get depressed about it and knowing that I really did make the right decision.

Thinking about our next big trip -- to Nepal -- and wondering how this will fit with possible baby -- and wondering if I care.  I'm sure I would if it didn't fit out perfectly in my control freak mind.