life in moments

it is truly in moments. looking back over months and weeks and years life is but a blur of memories woven in to one's history. Like today, a peaceful quiet Christmas morning, and my last as a single girl. Probably my last with just me and my mom and dad, in the way it has been my entire life. Our quiet little beautiful family. My mom in the kitchen all day long with a full turkey dinner and all the fixings...dad and I fighting over the remote...phone calls from scattered family and friends..all against an amazing white snow blanket background. The click of the pellet stove. The bunny rabbit living under the porch. Laps of the property on cross-country skis followed by a dip in the hot-tub with a mid-day glass of wine. naps. How I miss taking naps during the day.

so fabulous to be away from work. It took me a good two days to stop thinking about it and having nightmares. The past few weeks of trial have given me a glimpse in to how many of my lawyer friends' lives are constantly -- the 24/7 email checking, working weekends, and being on call every minute. It makes me eternally grateful of the "normal" days at my firm when we are not in a high-high-high exposure 6 week trial. Over all it is a fabulous place to work and I am ever appreciative of the conditions after this experience. That being said...should this become a full-time year round type of lifestyle in my work, I simply could not do it. It is not living. Talk about moments -- the ones that stand out are resisting to the ends of the earth working on a Saturday, and then being patronized about it. Being asked to deliver Motrin to the courthouse and make various other bizarre trips over there at least twice a day. High points include learning the ins and outs of trial, lunching with the trial lawyers on the case, and the sense of camaraderie. However, at the end of the day, no one really seems to care about LIFE while they are in trial. For me, enjoying life is all-encompassing and it is exceedingly difficult for me to black it out and focus on trial. Maybe that is my deficiency and weakness as a lawyer, but that is something I do not want to lose touch with. This trial has revealed the true colors of various partners, and made it starkingly clear to me that I do not want to become like them. I fear I only have a few years to figure something out to avoid becoming them. I don't want to wake up with the big house in ten years and hate my life. I want to wake up next to my honey on a cot in Bangkok or Katmandu with nothing but our backpacks on our backs. If we have a baby with us, so what? and more power to us.