I have my lover

looking back on my many faceted, fun, and tumultuous train of "lovers" in the past -- i can wholeheartedly and beautiful declare that i have the "one." There were so many magical and fulfilling and unfullfilling experiences in my a past -- and I can't deny that the crazed days of my younger years entirely make who I am now. But the beauty of this one man who is so completely there is so rewarding and so beyond any of those experiences that ultimately had a come-down akin to the worst chemical explorations. The anxiety is gone, the constant wondering, the worry, the need to please, to be something that I was not, to be available, to be at the ready should he change his mind...it all just fades in to the past and here is this incredible person that is so self-less and just so downright nice. I can only hope that I should ever come near to being the person that he deserves. I can do my best -- and for me many times "being the best person" is tied to extrinsic and measureable acts...gifts, let me do this for you and point it out...i want to just love him purely and simply and be so unconditional as I have received in return.

I am so happy and looking forward with such joy to April - to "make this man my family."

xoxoxo