And then you wake up and you're 33...

I've been meaning to type that headline for a few weeks since "the big day"...cray.  Just cray.  It is kind of an innocuous age but birthdays always have this sort of halo thing around them for a few weeks before and maybe a week after.  It was a really grand day, though.  I slept in, opened perfect gifts from my thoughtful husband, (lingerie, cashmere, and comfy sweats - score), went to breakfast with my hubby at Cozy Corner, when to check the construction on our house, talked to my dad on the phone during that, went to the suburbs to select tile/flooring/kitchen and then rode a leisurely train to the loop for a couple of hours of work; treated myself to a hot cocoa and biscotti, a pedicure, champagne, acupuncture, and home to pack for our trip to NM and Cabo for a week.   The first year my grandparents didn't call me on my birthday.  They are both in nursing care facility, grandma with a stroke and grandpa I believe a broken heart.  My mom is there cleaning out their apartment which is emotionally devastating, I am sure, and so hard.  I went out there about a month ago and it was heart-wrenching to see my amazing, strong, feisty, fierce grandmother laying in a hospital bed asking for my grandpa to put his "large warm hand" on her sore neck and brushing her hair and rubbing her feet.  I am so blessed to have them both.  It's so crazy what they have seen in their lives.

Meanwhile, last week, I went to my first lesbian wedding and a hubs's friend's wedding in Mexico.  Both such different events and so amazing in their own ways.  Lesbians make things so simple; California girls, not so much, but she still had an idyllic beach wedding.... not nearly as memorable as mine.  I've been to so many "perfect" weddings and never felt the emotion of mine -- well duh, but just that raw, emotional, battling, humid, fierce, people-standing-around you authentic feeling.

Work is weird lately.  I've done the full swing from "I'm quitting and teaching Pilates" to "I'm quitting and opening my own firm" to "I'm looking for a job" to now "I'm just in it."  I honestly have had a case or two in the last 6 months that I feel like I've "lost" and for some reason it is madly effecting my confidence and I feel sort of blah.  But through the experience my firm/boss have been endlessly supportive, never un-constructively criticized me, I've taken all the time off I've wanted, and I just can't complain.  I feel very supported (maybe I am naïve) but I just can't go right now. 

Pilates ran its course teaching-wise.  It was a blessing, and fun, and a huge eye opening experience to the business side of it.  My little fantasy of "I am going to quit the corporate grind and open a studio" -- I mean I still dream about it but I realize now that it's all in and incredibly challenging to get clients.  In 6 months of being "employed," I "sold" ONE session, and I really think that is because the guy felt sorry for me.  I'm not sure if I sucked, or if it was pricing, or what.  In any case, I am still enjoying the studio and I met an amazing Pilates friend that is in same life-space as me and we are just in friend-love.  We go to classes together, play in the studio, etc. etc. and she's just great.  So many blessings and happiness have come from it, so its all good.  I still want to see where it goes and fantasize madly about buying all the equipment.  However, again, I've realized nothing replaces the magic of private sessions or a good group session; $10K can buy a lot of those. 

I don't know what to do on Friday nights, right?  I usually just want a drink and pizza and bed.  tonight we are going to a Concert of a fun bluegrass band we've seen a few times and love.  In fact, I am going to go and call my daddy because that just made me think of his sweet soul.