more firsts

tomorrow is my first hearing :) I have to admit it is a tad anti climatic, as two previous ones have been cancelled. But I am excited nonetheless, although I am not arguing anything, just appearing.

went to see my grandparents outside Pittsburgh over the weekend -- they are so awesome. what an example of true love. makes me do a lot of exploring and self-questioning as to the pureness of my heart and motives.

antsy. i want to go around the world. getting that stagnant, routine feeling. Thank God the holidays are coming up.

The bf is heading home with me, and I will be going with him for new years. I would be lying if I said I could put a finger on the way I feel about it. I am so excited in so many ways, but part of me does not want this to be the end-all. And I know that it may or may not be, and I have no idea, but it is a scary thought to think or feel that is possible. i don't know why I can't just be a normal person and not be apprehensive about having met a wonderful guy, and where we are going together.

let me put on my analysis hat. yuck. why do i keep wanting to run away from this stuff? Yet he makes me so happy and fills up so much of my life. I think I am just still tempted with the single world, that is not really as glamorous as my grass-is-greener self makes it. In fact, I know this yet continue to torture myself. Like, what am I going to do right now anyway? learning to take one day at a time is truly a learning process.

a book i read recently made me stop and consider how much time I spend in the past, present, and future....clearly spending waaaayyyyy to much in the future. making a concerted effort to live every moment right now.