dependency

it is amazing how quickly a person can come into your life and completely change it. For better or worse, we become dependent so quickly.

Our relationship recently hit a transition point... we had a few fights, a few moments of disrespect, and a few moments of oh, crap, I need this person. I won't go into the details but one of them involves something he said about me, to my boss, that was completey disrespectful. Now, that being said, in my heart I kind of don't think he actually said it, but instead that my boss or his girlfriend who heard it misinterpreted. BUT, he also said something to me right before that makes me think he WAS capable of saying what he said. I mean it really disguts me what he said, and the fact that he said it to my boss is humiliating. but we all make mistakes...but it was just shocking to me because he has never acted in the least bit disrespectful to me.

so that is what makes me think we are reaching that "comfort" zone where he is getting a little lippier, a little drunker around me, etc. which is what i HATE about relationships. i love the first few months of deceit, i guess. which maybe has been my problem in the past, like i can't get past the point where you have to just accept someone for who they are, faults and all. of course there is a fine line when respect issues are on the line and stuff...and for that reason, my radar is out and finely tuned right now... i don't want to get fooled the way i did with the Virus.

and beyond that, the other thing i hate about relationships is feeling like i am losing my independence. no matter how much you think you are independent and don't need anyone, a relationship makes you realize how much more pleasant and easy life is when you have someone to count on.

it is all a love-hate thing for me, constantly.

beyond that, work is good. i'm starting to settle in, but i still feel sooooo lost. but i thank God every day for my ocean view :)